Wednesday, October 15, 2014

October 15th - The anniversary of my first due date

It is crazy how much can change in a short period of time. Recently I've been thinking about this a lot. Last year I wrote this post on October 15th. I wasn't even aware yet that October was pregnancy and infant loss awareness month or that October 15th specifically was pregnancy and infant loss awareness DAY. At this time last year I thought back to a year before, before we'd experienced a single miscarriage, before we'd even decided to start a family. We were working on buying a house... completely unaware of the joys and heartaches that the next year would bring. Now I look back at last year, before we had found out about my husband's cancer... I guess last year was really just preparing us for this year. We thought last year was tough, but we came out of it stronger and closer. Now after all that this year has brought, I know that we will come out of this year even stronger and closer than before.

Right now we truly do have so much to be thankful for. We are so lucky that his cancer diagnosis wasn't worse. It could've been so much worse. Though right now things are tough while we deal with his incredible pain and the healing after his 13 hours in surgery 6 weeks ago, we know that it could have been worse. What if it hadn't been caught? It could've been a much scarier diagnosis down the road. We also have this baby girl on the way to be thankful for. This time last year, I still wondered if I'd ever get to meet one of these little babies that I have been blessed with... I guess 5th time was the charm. Our little Audrey will be here in just a matter of a few months. That is just so surreal even now as I feel her kicking around in my belly.

Right now, our little family is dealing with quite a bit but I know this all must be for a reason. This baby appeared in our lives at just the right time to be a bright light in the darkness that cancer brings. So much has changed this past year and I can't wait to see what will be different for us next October.

Today I think about those 4 babies that we lost too soon and the one that we will get to meet in a few short months.  Today I pray for all of those women who are dealing with the pain that comes with the loss of a child or the pain caused by fertility struggles... That emptiness and sadness is unlike any other.


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