Thursday, December 5, 2013


As that time of the month approaches I find myself wondering... am I pregnant?

If I am, how will that feel?
Will I be terrified?
Will I be able to be excited?
Will I worry every moment?

This year has definitely been full of ups and downs. 3 pregnancies, 3 miscarriages. Dozens of vials of blood. Every possible test... Can I do that again? I hope so. What if I am pregnant? Will it all work out? What if I miscarry?

My head is just full of questions. A lot of "what ifs". In less than 2 and a half weeks... it will be what would have been my 3rd due date. Only a few days before Christmas. On one hand that really makes me sad, to know what life would have been like right now, and to remember the pain that came with that last miscarriage. By far it was the worst of them all. On the other hand, it makes me happy to know that I did it. I survived. I am healthy. I am happy. My body has healed. And I think that I have healed emotionally as well.

This has sure been a crazy year and it would be AMAZING to greet that 3rd due date with good news, but if not, I will be okay. Guess I just have to wait and see!!! Fingers crossed. :)


  1. I wonder the same thing all the time! It is so hard to deal with all of those 'what ifs.' I just had my 2nd miscarriage, which was definitely harder than my first. And it is scary to think about dealing with all of this again. But you are so survived. It's exhausting, but God gets us through! Hoping all the best for you!

  2. Thank you! And good luck to you as well. I guess if we can survive all of this, we can survive anything, right? :)