The spare room up until this point has been sort of my "closet room". My vanity is in there along with extra clothes in the closet, extra bedding and of course all of the baby related items that I have accumulated. For starters, I have had a box for years now full of stuff from when I was a baby. Things that I'd hoped to keep for my children. Over the last 5 or so years I've added the odd $2.00 onesie that I thought was just too cute not to buy. In the past 10 months, my "collection" has come to include pregnancy books, baby name books, a diaper bag, maternity clothes, etc. Up until this point the items have sort of been spread around the room.
A few weeks ago I decided I would organize my closet room. I went through some boxes that I hadn't opened since we moved in last December. I also decided to pack up all of my baby stuff into some plastic tubs to keep it dust free, out of the way, and just sort of to give myself a mental break. I then had two tubs of stuff sitting in the corner of the room. Every once in awhile they would catch my eye and I'd pause for a moment and mentally go over everything that was sitting in the corner of that room.
Finally, this week I began to move things out of the spare room. I no longer have a closet room and I'm really happy about it. All that is left in the room right now is a pile of clothes that need to be put away and some clothes hanging up in the closet since we don't have anywhere else to put them (prom dresses, wedding dress, and other random items). It was weird to see that room empty. When we bought the house, we were so focused on moving in and getting set up since it was so close to Christmas, and though I knew that we'd intended for that room to one day become the nursery, I never once thought about what that room would look like. We discussed the layout of literally EVERY single space in the house, except that one. For me, the over planner, that is weird.
I now walk into that room and I can see what it would look like as a nursery. I know where the crib would go, the changing table, the glider, etc. I can see it all. For the first time in a long time, I felt that heart tug again. That moment of tears welling up before I can stop it. In the past 10 months, we've discussed clearing that room out and then filling it with baby furniture one day. I'd always thought that the day that the room was empty, would be the day it would begin to be filled with baby things or painted with the intention of setting up the baby's room.
Tomorrow I will finish clearing out the room entirely and then I will close that door. I will no longer have any reason to enter that room. There will be a part of this house that will hold no use for the time being. I hope that some day soon, we will have reason to enter that room again and fill it with things that will make up a beautiful nursery.
I still have hope.
|Baby me :)|