Saturday, October 5, 2013

The waiting game...

So as I've posted in the past, all testing has come back "normal". So this was the first month we'd gotten the all clear from the doctor since my last miscarriage back in May/June (it was a lengthy process). Now... we wait...

OF COURSE I got an awful cold this month so I don't think that the likelihood is very good for this month. Husband thinks I must be considering every time we've tried so far, I've turned out pregnant. I'm not sure if it's that I truly don't think I'm pregnant or if I'm trying to convince myself that I'm not as to not be disappointed when another month goes by with no baby in sight.

One good thing that has come from everything that has happened this year with trying to start a family, my patience level has REALLY increased. I don't feel quite like the crazy person I'd been previously. Yes, when someone asks me about how things are going, I start to really question every little twinge or possible symptom, but I haven't allowed it to consume my every thought of every day. I must remind myself that my ultimate happiness is not dependent upon a pregnancy.

They always say that "every pregnancy is different" and while a lot about each of my 3 pregnancies so far have been fairly different as far as symptoms go, there was always one consistent symptom, sore boobs haha. I've never been one to get that before that time of the month so that first month I just KNEW. Days before I could test to prove it, I knew. So now no matter what symptoms I think I may or may not have, until I have that one, I will continue to think that this month was not our month.

As I type this I notice that there is a slight soreness starting. I wonder if that means something or if that's what I get for checking 100 times today to see if they are sore? Regardless, I am so thankful for where I am at right now. This has been a tough year but I know that this has all happened for a reason. A reason which I may never know or understand. I can only continue to take comfort in the fact that I know God has a plan. I hope and pray that that plan includes children, but only time will tell.

So for now, I wait. The darn waiting game I've already played 3 times, but I guess pregnancy is full of waiting. I might as well get used to it now.

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