Monday, September 16, 2013

My future...

iPhone pic - Eagle River, AK

 The future is something that I'm sure a lot of people think about quite often, or maybe not, maybe I'm just weird.... who knows. Anyway, I feel like when you've decided to make any sort of big decision in your life, or a big change, I believe you think about the future that much MORE. Will this job turn into my career? Will this relationship be able to stand the test of time? Is this house a good investment? Will I be a good parent? What will my kids be like? What will they look like? Will they have my sense of humor? or my eyes?... You can see a theme starting to develop in those last few...

Sometimes I am going about my normal day when something catches my attention and drags me into the big black hole of questions about the future. As of late, the majority of my "future" questions obviously revolve around babies, well kids in general. I spent a lot of time with my mom this weekend and we have such a close friendship that I often wonder... will I have this sort of relationship with my daughter? Will I have a daughter? Will I have kids? Will they ever figure out what is wrong with me? Or is there even anything wrong with me? So far all tests have proven that I am NORMAL (ha! not exactly something that I get accused of often)

For me, kids were never a question. OF COURSE I'll have kids! The only unknown part of that future scenario was when? and how many? Did I ever explain my "master plan"? 1- meet boy in high school, you know around 16 or 17. 2- get engaged around 18 or 19. 3- Get married at 20. 4- Children starting a few years after the wedding. Oh! and not only would I have children, but I also decided that I wanted 2 children, MAYBE 3 (the maybe 3 was added on when I got a bit older and realized that there was a possibility that I wouldn't have one of each  right off the bat). First, I would have a boy and a few years later, a girl. You know, so that he can watch out for his younger sister and protect her (have I ever mentioned my incredibly over protective big brother? lol) In the last few years I accepted the fact that it might not work out exactly that way, so I added in the flexibility of a possible 3rd child. That way in case I have 2 boys or 2 girls first, then I could always adopt the 3rd of the opposite gender, oh! or I could just try again. Granted this is the same logic that gets some people 5 boys and no girls.

These past 9 months I've finally accepted that my "master plan" is a bit more fantasy than reality. I find it kind of entertaining to think back on other grand plans that I've come up with and how well those panned out. It is nice to know that despite the epic fails that I sometimes face, there seems to always be a better plan for my life. Thought I am far better than I used to be, I am still working on my patience and my ability to just roll with the punches. I do not know what lies ahead, but I know that all will work out as it should even if I can't yet see what that future may look like.

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